WTF, BS, FFS and the Art of Making Myself Redundant

I've been thinking about the difference between having an expert do something for you and learning enough from an expert to do it for yourself.

It's something that's niggled at me for years, particularly when people have described me as a personal stylist.

Now, I know that's what I've had to call myself, and I've spent years running a personal styling business, so I know I can't really complain when people use the terminology. But there's a distinction that matters, and it's down to the educator in me.

I've never particularly enjoyed choosing people's clothes for them. I can do it, obviously, and I've had people pay me very good money for that service. Some people genuinely want somebody to take care of their wardrobe, do the shopping and put outfits together, and I completely understand the appeal.

After all, I have a badass tech VA because life's too short for me to spend hours trying to understand things I have no interest in learning. Give me the result, please, and spare me the technical explanation.

But when it comes to the work I've done with people over the years, I've always wanted something different.

My ambition has been to make myself redundant.

Which I know is a slightly weird business model, but teaching people to do things for themselves is always more rewarding than doing things for them.

I absolutely adored teaching 16 to 19-year-olds back in the 90s. Watching them arrive as school leavers and gradually develop into young adults ready to leave home and go to university was one of the most rewarding parts of my career.

The bit I love about teaching most is seeing someone begin to recognise what they are capable of, those little moments when something clicks and they stop looking to me for reassurance and start trusting their own judgement.

When I started my business, teaching was built into it from day one.

Partly because of my professional background, but also because of my own experiences during what I refer to as my Treble F years: Fat, Fed up and Frumpy.

I was depressed, had gained weight and had developed a miserable relationship with my body. At the time, I blamed a lot of how I felt on my weight, although looking back, I know there was much more going on.

I'd always loved clothes and had an instinctive understanding of how to put things together, helped by my background in fashion and textiles. But as my body had changed, getting dressed became increasingly frustrating.

I had a serious case of WTF syndrome: Wardrobe That's Failing. So learning more about body shape (BS), figure-flattering styling (FFS), colour and all the clever tricks that create visual illusions made an enormous difference to how I dressed.

I learnt about party zones and quiet zones, where to draw attention and where to let the eye travel without making too much fuss. It meant I could look in the mirror and feel better about what I saw, even though my body hadn't changed.

Friends would tell me I always looked nice, which was lovely, but they had no idea how I sometimes felt about myself or how much difference that knowledge had made.

Eventually, I wrote Project FAB, the guidebook I wished I'd had during those years.

And working with clients, I want them to understand these principles too.

I could take them shopping, give them a makeover and leave them looking fabulous. But what happens the following season, when fashions change or their body changes? Are they supposed to ring me every time they need a new top?

I'd much rather they understand why something works so they can make informed decisions themselves.

The funny thing is, when you've taught somebody well enough, they often forget how much they've learnt or how they felt before they knew the stuff.

What once required a conscious decision becomes second nature. They get dressed, put an outfit together, choose colours and shapes that work for them, get on with their day and get the compliments.

They don't necessarily remember all the conversations and discoveries that got them there. And I do sometimes wonder whether there's a bit of reluctance to admit they needed help in the first place.

It's been on my mind this week, amongst all the usual bits and pieces of life. I've been to chair fit and swimming, had coffees with friends, done some crocheting and knitting for a homeless charity, and watched rather a lot of television.

We've been alternating between gangster dramas, Drag Race UK, Bake Off and Coronation Street, which is quite an eclectic viewing schedule, I know. 😆

Paul has also been getting to grips with our new air fryer and has been reading the instructions to work out how to use it properly. I'm delighted he's taking an interest because it means I don't have to.

Another example of choosing which things I'm interested in learning, I suppose!

Meanwhile, I've been having a lovely time on Vinted.

I came across something recently that said everything we've ever owned still exists somewhere, much of it in landfill, and it's been playing on my mind since. I've always found it more satisfying to keep clothes circulating rather than buying new.

Although I've got a bit of a dilemma with my own wardrobe at the moment.

I've intentionally lost weight over the past year, and a lot of my clothes are too big. The trouble is, I still really like them.

I've spent years building a wardrobe of things that suit my shape, my personality and the way I want to dress. Losing weight hasn't suddenly changed my taste.

I've actually got smaller versions of dresses I already own favourited on Vinted lol.

And now a friend and I are looking at escaping for a week in the sun in December, which means I'll have to get my summer clothes out and see what still fits. I'm looking forward to the holiday considerably more than the trying-on session.

The thing is that all the knowledge I've accumulated over the years still applies. I'm smaller, but my basic proportions haven't magically transformed into somebody else's. I still know which shapes I enjoy wearing and how to create the effects I want.

That came up during a discovery call this week with someone who's also losing weight.

We were talking about the fact that they don't have to wait to start understanding what ingredients are right for their Style Recipe.

But also, I've always said that if you love something, who cares what the rules say? That's what I've always loved about learning. Once you understand something, you can decide what to do with that knowledge.

It's also why I was particularly pleased to accept the Womanifest Awards nomination this week. Filling the form in made me reflect on the different ways empowerment has featured throughout my career, from teaching young people to working with people who want to feel more comfortable expressing themselves.

I've always got the biggest buzz from watching somebody realise they can do something they previously thought they couldn't.

Sometimes that happens in a classroom, sometimes in front of a mirror, and sometimes during a conversation about an apparently insignificant little rule they've been following for years.

I wonder how often we overlook the things we've learnt because they've become so familiar that we no longer notice we're doing them. And how many of the Shoulds we've absorbed over the years have become so familiar that we don't even recognise them as Squishes.

I think there's something rather wonderful about reaching the point where you no longer need the person who taught you.

Although I'm still keeping my tech VA.

Some things I'm more than happy to remain completely ignorant about. 😂