When Everything’s Fine… But Something’s Off

I’ve been thinking about her a lot this week because I’ve finally booked a venue for my Sassy Shoes experience where she can join me for the day and learn how to tap into her Funky Diva energy.

I haven’t gone down the old school, marketing kind a “ideal client” avatar type thing. It’s been more like she’s been sat with me while I’ve been working or just pottering about in the background. I know her really well, I recognise her because I’ve been her…

On paper, everything’s fine. Actually more than fine. She’s built a life that works. Walked away from something that didn’t and that alone takes guts, even if she sometimes brushes past it, almost forgetting that it was mahoosive big deal.

Work ticks along and her home life’s full. Often too busy in that slightly relentless, plate-spinning way. Kids, grandkids, elderly parents, life admin, all the bits that fill the day before she’s even thought about herself. She’s fine.

And yet there’s this low-level hum. Not loud, dramatic or even something you’d sit down with your mate and a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and have a big heart-to-heart about.

But it’s there. It’s a kind of… is this it? feeling. Or maybe more accurately… is this me?

It can show up in the tiny moments. Scrolling for five minutes and somehow coming off it feeling a bit flat. Not because she wants what she’s seeing, not really, but because it plants that seed… should I be doing more? Am I missing something?

That whole online world of noise. The “you should be here by now” energy. But she knows a lot of it is not for her. Properly knows it. It makes her feel a bit irritated if she’s honest, she knows it’s all fur coat and no knickers half the time.

And yet… it gets in. That’s the Sausage Machine of Conformity for you.

It’s not just school or childhood or obvious stuff. It’s subtle, ongoing and it adapts. It gets you to question yourself in ways that look completely reasonable on the surface.

You don’t want to play that game… but you start wondering if you’re doing it wrong by not playing.

So you hover - not in that world but not fully anchored in your own either. You’re in that in-between space where you’re sort of circling your own life. And this is where the ‘unsausaging’ work actually begins, even if she wouldn’t call it that (yet).

Because what happens in that space is quiet. You’ve never made a big dramatic decision to shrink. You just lose yourself slightly.

·You don’t say the thing

·You don’t share the post

·You don’t put yourself forward

·You worry about what ‘they’ think

·You say yes when you mean no

All of this is because it feels easier not to. It feels safer, quieter and less exposing. And before you know it, you’re dialling yourself down without even clocking it.

Not always massively but just enough to stay in the realm of “nice”.

And then there’s the wardrobe. Because there’s always the wardrobe.

Not necessarily in a “I’ve got nothing to wear” way. It can be even more subtle than that.

She opens it and everything is… fine. She’s got plenty of clothes. Some lovely pieces in there actually. Bought with good intentions in moments where she thought “I fancy a change, this might be me now”.

But when she puts things on, they don’t quite land. The clothes aren’t wrong, but they’re not Goldilocks just right either. There’s a disconnect, it’s dressing dissonance.

That’s enclothed cognition doing its thing quietly in the background.

Because what you wear doesn’t just sit on your body. It feeds back into how you feel. How you move and show up, even whether you speak up or stay quiet.

So if what you’re wearing is slightly off you’ll feel slightly off.

And then you make decisions from that slightly-off place.

·You go for what’s easy

·What you know works well enough

·What doesn’t draw too much attention

And again… it’s fine. You are nicely dressed, which we both know is not the same as fully self-expressed.

This is not her Funky Diva energy, not even close, really.

And here’s the bit I keep coming back to.

She isn’t looking for a stylist. She’s not sat there thinking “I need a capsule wardrobe” or “I just need someone to tell me what suits me”, that’s not it.

She’s drawn to something else entirely, something she can’t quite put into words but she feels it when she sees it.

It’s almost like a sense of permission.

Permission to be more of herself without it having to look like anyone else.

Permission to do business, life, visibility… in a way that actually feels good in her body.

Permission to stop trying to get it “right”.

That’s the Funky Diva energy she’s clocking, and it’s why the Sausage Machine feels so uncomfortable now, even though she hasn’t fully stepped out of it yet.

Because once you see it, you can’t unsee it, you start noticing where you’ve been squished, maybe chosen “appropriate” over authentic and kept things just that little bit safer than you actually want.

And the thing is… she already knows.

She’s not at the beginning, because she’s done the inner work. She sometimes journals, reflects, thinks deeply, she’s aware. This work isn’t about discovering who she is from scratch.

It’s about trusting it and actually letting it lead and for you to be seen. Not as the slightly edited version what people expect. Just… you.

But then the brain does its thing.

Let’s just keep things as they are.
Let’s not rock the boat.
Let’s stay where it’s comfortable.

Even if “comfortable” is also slightly frustrating.

Even if “comfortable” feels like a low-level holding pattern.

And this is where I will gently nudge -not shove, drag or“fix”.

Unsausaging isn’t about blowing your life up and becoming a completely different person overnight.

It’s about noticing.

Where am I holding back?
Where am I choosing safe over true?
Where am I dressing, speaking, showing up for a version of me that I’ve already outgrown?

And then… making tiny shifts.

Choosing the thing you actually want to say.
Wearing the thing that feels a bit more you, even if it’s just at home.
Letting your voice be a bit less filtered.

That’s how Funky Diva energy builds. Not through big, dramatic gestures but through consistent, small acts of being more you. And over time, those small shifts compound and you feel it. You get a sense of alignment and “this is me” feeling.

And when that happens, you’re not hovering in that in-between space anymore. You’re in your life, fully in it in a way that feels right for you. Not necessarily louder or “out there” for the sake of it. Just… more you.

And that’s the bit the Sausage Machine of Conformity can’t get its hands on, because it only works when you’re not paying attention. Once you are in your Funky Diva energy everything starts to change.

Save the date 27.06.26 more details coming soon.