The Gift Bag That's Been Waiting Two Years

I've had the rage this week. Not sure if the heat contributed and the lack of sleep because of the heat, can you blame hormones if you’re on HRT?

It’s not been throw-things-across-the-room rage just more of a slow simmer then all of a sudden, every tiny irritation joins forces until suddenly you're standing in your kitchen wondering why a pile of shoes has disproportionately wound you up.

It started with the internet. We recently switched to a supposedly super-fast broadband package which, rather ironically, has developed a habit of becoming unstable every time I'm on a Zoom call. Not ideal when your job involves talking to people online.

Then there was my new phone.

After over a year of persevering with my ancient Samsung S21 (because I ran over my S24 not long after getting it, the insurance were arseholes and I’ve only just finished paying for the contract... don't ask), I finally treated myself to a replacement.

I was very impressed with Smart Switch - just simply put the two phones next to each other and, like magic, everything appeared to transfer across. Amazing!

Except it didn't.

The banking apps wanted passwords and pins I hadn't used for years. I couldn't go shopping until I’d sorted it because I couldn't remember half the security details. WhatsApp, my main form of communication, decided it wasn't coming with me after all and was dithering about for over 24 hours.

All while it was thirty-four million degrees outside.

If you're in the UK, with the weird heatwave recently, you'll know exactly what I mean when I say I spent most of the week feeling like my clothes were glued to me. I'm fairly certain my underboob developed its own microclimate.

As you might gather, by this point my patience was already wearing thin. My office is a tip, covered with all the things that had accumulated after being in full on prep mode for Sassy Shoes, making festival epaulettes, Womanifest and a general dumping ground for anything that doesn’t have a permanent home.

Then I walked from my office... which I really ought to start calling my studio now... into the utility room.

A few weeks ago, I'd had a good tidy in there, decluttered, thrown stuff away – the lot. Now I couldn't even see the worktop. There wasn't even anywhere to put the washing I'd just taken out of the machine. So, I carried the washing outside instead to peg it out.

Only to find abandoned garden tools, weeds poking through the patio, dead lavender in the pots we'd planted only last year, bamboo attempting world domination, and dog poo we hadn’t got around to clearing up.

After pegging the washing out, I walked back through the utility room, into the hallway.

Shoes discarded around the already full shoe cabinet.

·Piles of stuff "waiting".

·Waiting to go upstairs.

·Waiting to come downstairs.

·Waiting to be taken to the charity shop.

·Waiting to be taken to the garage.

·Waiting to be put away.

There is even a gift bag on the second set of stairs from my 60th birthday with a beautiful picture inside that's still waiting for me to buy a frame. I'm 62 in twelve weeks.

By the time I'd reached the kitchen...

I had the rage.

Except, looking back, I don't think any of those things were actually what I was cross about. This has been the first week in quite a while where I haven't been racing towards a deadline, Sassy Shoes then Womanifest happened. This week my website will finally start sounding like me because I’ve been writing copy.

I've had a couple of Sparkle VIP Zoom calls that reminded me exactly why I love what I do. I know that work so well now that it doesn't really feel like work. I get to watch someone's face change when something clicks, and they suddenly see themselves differently. I never get bored of those moments.

I've also realised something else, as I'd spent the week editing copy for my website, taking words out, changing sentences, removing anything that no longer fitted, without really noticing, I think I'd started mentally editing my life too. That doesn't fit anymore, neither does that, why am I still putting up with this…

And then the thought hit me after Saturday afternoon.

We'd been invited to a summer soiree at a friend's house. Their garden is beautiful, it feels intentional and looked after. There are gorgeous plants and comfortable furniture to sit and chat I found myself feeling a bit envious, because I want to enjoy my garden (but without me doing the work obvs – me and plants don’t really mix).

Then on Sunday something shifted. I explained to Paul why I'd been irritable. Not just about the broadband or the phone or the dead lavender, but about everything feeling like it had quietly drifted while we'd been busy getting on with stuff that had deadlines. I felt overwhelmed.

Anyway, on Sunday we worked as a team and got things done.

We tackled Finn's room, which had quietly become more of a storage space than anything else since he’s been down under. We moved stuff and got rid of stuff and it actually feels like a spare room now rather than somewhere things go to wait.

Things felt lighter after doing that. The rage disappeared.

The interesting thing is that it’s not like we transformed the whole house. We’ve not created a show home or solved every problem. It’s just that we made progress, together, as a team.

And that made me realise something I want to share with you. I’ve always loved a list. I’ll admit that sometimes I add things after I’ve already done them just so I can cross them off – I know that’s sad, but it is what it is lol. I’ve always called it a ‘ta-da’ list, rather than a ‘to-do’ list because that felt more positive but from now on, I've decided I'm going to start keeping two lists. A Done List and a Delighted List - The double D’s.

The Done List is obvious.

·The washing.

·The sorting.

·The jobs.

·The errands.

·The emails.

·The things you've achieved.

But the Delighted List is different.

·It's the fresh flowers on the table.

·The clear worktop that makes making a cup of tea feel easier.

·The conversation that clears the air.

·Watching a Sparkle client have an "aha" moment.

·Walking into a studio that makes you want to create.

·Opening the back door and feeling yourself relax instead of sigh.

I think we spend so much time measuring our lives by what we've completed that we forget to notice what actually delights us. My new Funky Diva Vibes card deck talks about choosing yourself.

Back in the day, I'd always imagined that meant the bigger things. Wearing the colourful outfit. Booking the workshop. Saying yes to something that scares you.

These days I've realised choosing yourself can also look like buying the picture frame that's been waiting two years.

Clearing the worktop.

Letting go of the dead lavender.

Editing your life until it feels as aligned as the person you've become.

So, here's my little invitation to you this week.

Try keeping a two-column double D list.

1: Done

2: Delighted.

I reckon the second one will tell us far more about the life we're creating than the first one ever will. And if you're anything like me, you might realise that sometimes the smallest edits can make the biggest difference.