The Cheer-Up Hat, a Rosebush and Nottingham's Favourite Mister

On Saturday I had to take my cheer-up hat off because my head got too hot.

If you've never seen it, it's bright pink, covered in sequins and completely over the top. Paul bought it for me last year when I was feeling a bit flat and, despite looking like something Liberace might have rejected for being a bit much, it always makes me smile.

Saturday, though, it made me sweat, so off it came, even though it was just the most fabulous addition to my outfit.

We were at Nottingham Pride and it was one of those days where you just find yourself smiling without really knowing why.

It was heaving with groups of friends, families, drag queens, dogs in rainbow bandanas, glitter, jeans, T-shirts. Every shape, size and age represented and it all just worked beautifully.

One of the loveliest moments was seeing Nyongbella, from Drag Race Uk again. We'd met her at our local cabaret night last year and had a chat afterwards. She'd even recorded a video to say hello to Lu (my stepdaughter) because she wasn't with us that evening.

This time she spotted us and called out “Paul! My favourite mister in Nottingham!" He was absolutely made up. She must meet hundreds of people, yet she remembered us. Later she reshared one of my Instagram stories and called him exactly the same thing. She also made a point of chatting with Lu too, which made both their days.

It's funny the little things that do that.

On Sunday I met a friend for coffee. (Well, fresh mint tea followed by an 85% dark hot chocolate, actually. I appreciate that's quite a niche order.) My friend spent quite a lot of the time trying to convince me I need to treat myself to new clothes because of my weight loss.

She's partly right. I do need to replace a few bits that are not hanging nicely. However, I also know she enjoys shopping far more than I ever do these days.

Traipsing round shops is hard when you have mobility issues and online I last about ten minutes before I start wondering what else I could be doing instead.

The thing is, I don't often buy clothes because I need clothes. I buy them because I fall a little bit in love with them. Which is aligned with my ethos and probably why so many of mine have survived years of wardrobe clear-outs.

Also, most of them still fit anyway because they're stretchy as per my style recipe ingredients.At 50lbs lighter (and still going) I know I'll need to sort my wardrobe at some point. Just not this week. It feels non urgent and not a priority for me...I’m definitely in my Funky Diva energy as far as energy expenditure and priorities go.

Talking of Funky Diva energy, I’ve remembered something from many years ago and I spotted a real life squish I’d let go of – obviously, back in those days I’d have never called it a Squish Spot though.

It’s about friends. For a very long time, whenever I went back to Lancashire to see my family for the weekend I'd somehow convince myself I had to fit everybody else in too.

Coffee with one friend. Lunch with another. A quick drink if there was time to see someone else, as well as fitting family time in. Then I'd drive the two hours home on a Sunday evening wondering why I felt so exhausted.

I don't think I ever questioned it. It just felt like what I should do. Until I twigged that it wasn’t a two way thing. I've been thinking about that quite a lot this week.

Not because anything specific has happened, but I met a friend for coffee in townand we were talking about people coming into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. Some friendships last forever, some don't and others fade so slowly you don't notice until they're already gone.

Then, every now and again, somebody can turn up in your life and become a trusted confidant very quickly, usually when your values align – nothing to do with how long you’ve known them.

For example, someone I'd only recently met sent me the most beautiful pink rosebush. Not a bunch of flowers, a whole rosebush. And it arrived with the loveliest email explaining why she'd chosen that particular rose. I was really touched.

I've had a few lovely messages this past week as well. A few people saying something I'd written had made them think differently. So I figure for every one person who’s taken the time to let me know that there must be a few others.

Another friend wondered whether she’s started saying no to things because of my influence. I smiled when she said it.

Not because I was thinking, “Look at me changing lives.” More because it made me think that perhaps all those tiny observations about “she” really are helping people spot themselves a bit sooner than I did.

These things make me smile because that's exactly what I hope happens when I write things and share them. It’s unsausaging in action and making an impact has always been important to me.

For years I thought I was helping women choose clothes, these days it’s more about them choosing themselves. Clothes are just one small part of that.

Anyway, somewhere between taking my hat off because I was too hot, watching Paul grin from ear to ear because he'd been remembered by a drag queen off the telly, drinking a dark hot chocolate and admiring my new rose bush, it struck me how different life feels these days.

Not bigger or more exciting, just easier.

I don't seem to spend as much time trying to make everything happen in my Funky Diva era.

Friendships find their own level. People drift in and out. Some surprise you, some don't. And somehow that all feels perfectly okay.

My wardrobe still needs sorting.

The cheer-up hat survived another outing.

And Paul is still, as far as I can tell, Nottingham's favourite mister – at least in our house. I'm sure that wasn’t a bad way to end the weekend.

Also it’s good to reflect, this week, writing this, I noticed how many invisible rules I’d imposed on myself over the years had quietly disappeared.

Not because I’d worked hard to get rid of them. Just because they no longer fitted who I am for whatever reason. A big one is that I no longer can’t relax at the weekend until all the housework is done! ( I can now leave it until I get the rage lol- see earlier blog.)

That’s why I’ve been making Spot the Squish videos. They’re not really about telling you what to do. They’re little reminders to notice those moments before they become your normal.

In fact, I’m just putting the finishing touches to a Spot the Squish quiz because I’m fascinated by how many of these invisible rules we all carry around without even realising. I think you’ll recognise yourself in it.

Not because every squish is life-changing, quite the opposite, most of them are tiny invisible rules that quietly creep in without us noticing. The ones that tell us we ought to keep everybody happy, reply straight away, make more effort, buy the new clothes, fit everyone in or somehow become a different version of ourselves.

Tiny squishes become ordinary.

Ordinary becomes identity.

And of course, that’s exactly why I created the Funky Diva Vibes® card deck. Not to tell you what to do but to help you notice the tiny moments before they become your normal.

And it’s why the Sassy Shoes Workshop isn’t really about shoes either.

The foil goes on the shoes, but the sparkle comes back to you. The next one is n the afternoon Sat 5.9.26 in Nottingham – you can get your tickets now.

Let me know what squishes you spot this week.