Seven Yeses and the Sausage Machine

I spent quite a lot of this week wondering whether I should be doing MORE.

The kind of MORE that isn’t anything specific, just that vague feeling that there must be something you should be doing that you're currently not doing.

In my case, I wondered whether I needed to be putting myself out there more. Finding new audiences rather than expecting everyone to miraculously find me. Selling more cards, finding more speaking opportunities and generally being more proactive.

I think it was probably exacerbated by getting my accounts up to date and not relishing the numbers.

I've spent quite a bit on Funky Diva Vibes over the past few months. I had the new cards printed, I've paid for tables at events and I've bought what feels like enough metallic foil to cover a small bungalow for the Sassy Shoes workshops.

And I actually do need to properly figure out what want work to look like in this next phase of my life. I'm definitely not ready to give it all up yet, but I don't particularly want to be running an expensive hobby either.

Anyway, I decided I needed to put myself out there a bit more and asked on social media if anyone knew of any speaking opportunities. Ironically, after asking about speaking opportunities, somebody messaged me to ask how much I'd charge to take one of my workshops to them.

And isn't the first time that's happened. I've had three or four people over the past couple of months ask whether I'd take my workshops to their group or organisation. I need to figure the numbers because I like the idea, they get the people there, I turn up and do my thing and get paid a flat fee. Something to add to my list.

Then on Friday I drove an hour and a half each way to a Business Boost Day. It was a long day, and I was absolutely knackered by the time I got home. The drive was fine, I've got a Jenny Eclair audiobook on the go, so I listened to that, and the day itself was lovely. Nice food, good company, lots of sharing ideas and supportive conversations without any of the weird competitive business stuff that makes me want to run away. I also sold a few packs of Funky Diva cards, which was a nice little bonus.

The best thing though, was someone was talking about something she referred to as being on the hamster wheel but then changed it to being "In the Sausage Machine."

Earlier in the day I'd talked about what I do and explained the Sausage Machine of Conformity, but I absolutely love it when people take the language and start using it themselves.

I've spent the past year talking about Funky Diva Vibes, the Sausage Machine, getting Squished and Unsausaging. All these slightly bonkers words and ideas that made perfect sense inside my own head, while occasionally wondering whether everyone else was thinking, what the actual fuck is this woman going on about? And now someone was casually dropping the Sausage Machine into conversation as if it was a perfectly normal which, obviously, it is.

Then I got a message from someone who'd been to my pilot Funky Diva workshop last December.

It started:

"Your workshop has changed me." What a brilliant opening line!

She went on to tell me that when she gets upset or overwhelmed, she puts on her "Funky Diva alter ego" head and it helps her feel better. She said it sounded like a cliché, but she genuinely becomes the confident, brave Funky Diva version of herself.

And recently she'd needed her. Someone in her life had been repeatedly criticising what she wore and making comments about her weight. Eventually she'd had enough. She returned the things she'd been storing for this person, gave their keys back, took her own keys back and ended the friendship.

She told me she felt much more at peace as a result. And said: "Your workshop gave me the courage to do that."

I first started playing around with the idea of alter egos around 13 years ago and they’ve always been part of what I do – just now they have a name.

·Who would you be if you turned the volume up on yourself?

·What would she wear?

·How would she walk into a room?

·What would she say yes to?

·What might she stop putting up with?

The possibility that creating this slightly amplified version of yourself might give you access to a part of you that's already there but sometimes gets drowned out by everything else. And here was somebody actually doing it. Not in a workshop or while I was standing there encouraging her. In her actual life. She'd needed courage, so she'd stepped into her Funky Diva energy.

I don't think I could have asked for better evidence that the idea works.

On Saturday for no apparent reason, I was more achy than usual. My mood dipped and I didn’t want to do much apart from crocheting and watching reruns of Motherland.

Which was exactly what I needed. There's something very satisfying about crochet. You just keep making loops until eventually you've made a thing. Or, in my case, hopefully a cardigan.

By Sunday I was feeling much more like myself again and another idea that has been floating around in my head on and off for years got louder. Diva Delves. I've thought about doing some kind of podcast or interview series for years, in various iterations, but now it properly feels like the right time.

Twenty or thirty minutes talking to people about the times they've felt Squished by life, expectations or other people's opinions, and what happened when they started finding their way back to themselves. Different people, different lives and different Sausage Machines.

No fancy production or editing - just interesting conversations and plenty of room for tangents. I messaged ten people to ask if they'd be up for being one of my first guests. Seven said yes more or less straight away!!! Which gave me that lovely excited feeling in my stomach – so watch this space.

So, as I reflect on the rest of the week:

·Someone had asked me to bring my workshop to them.

·People were using Sausage Machine language when I wasn't even in the conversation.

·A woman had told me she'd actually stepped into her Funky Diva alter ego when she needed courage in her real life.

·Seven people wanted to come and talk to me about being Squished and finding themselves again.

The irony of me spending a fair chunk of the week thinking I need to do MORE. Maybe I've been so busy looking for the big signs that things are working that I've been overlooking some of the little ones.

And perhaps little isn't even the right word. Because someone telling you something you created helped her find the courage to change something that was making her unhappy isn't little at all.

It just doesn't show up on a spreadsheet. Yet.

So that's where I am this week.

·Still thinking about what comes next.

·Still needing to make some sales for my Sassy Shoes workshop.

·Still not entirely sure what shape I want the business to take or whether I am even semi-retired.

But perhaps slightly less inclined to assume that because I haven't got all the evidence I want yet, nothing is happening. Because something definitely is. Hmmm…Interesting.