The Old Version of Me Would’ve Said Yes

I’ve had a couple of experiences over the past few weeks that have left me feeling a bit disappointed. Not mega drama devastated or furious. Not lying awake at three in the morning replaying conversations over and over - just disappointed.

The interesting thing is that a few years ago I would have handled those same situations very differently. I probably would’ve been angry first, then upset. Then I’d have turned it all back on myself and started questioning my judgement.

·How did I not see that?

·Why didn’t I spot the signs?

·How have I got this wrong?

I’d have been analysing every conversation and looking for clues I’d missed, convincing myself I should somehow have known better and beaten myself for being taken as a mug again. These days, thankfully, I don’t do that quite so much.

The older I get, the more I realise that trusting people isn’t a flaw. It’s just who I am. When people tell me stuff I take their word for it.

I tend to assume people are decent until they prove otherwise. I don’t make them jump through hoops or pass tests before they’re allowed into my circle. I don’t spend my life looking for hidden motives or waiting for people to let me down.

I trust. Sometimes that means I get disappointed and feel let down but I’d still rather be that person than spend my life suspicious of everyone.

What I’ve realised recently though is that sometimes I mistake shared interests for shared values. For example, someone can say all the right things. They can talk about kindness, integrity, community, supporting each other, authenticity and empowerment.

They can nod along enthusiastically when you’re having conversations. You can walk away thinking you’re completely aligned.

Then something happens. Not necessarily something dramatic.

Just a decision, an action they take or response they make and at that point you realise that although you might use similar words, you don’t necessarily share the same values.

At one time that would’ve really rattled me, now I mostly find it fascinating.

Because people tell you what they want, but their actions tell you what they’re ready for.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot recently. Not just in relation to other people, but in relation to myself too.

Years ago I worked with a client who desperately wanted to feel different about herself. And, if you’ve know my story and have heard me talk about my Treble F years – when I felt fat, fed up and frumpy, you’ll know that I have first hand experience of this...

·She didn’t feel comfortable in her body.

·She wasn’t happy with how she looked.

·She wanted more confidence.

·She wanted to feel better.

But every suggestion I made was met with resistance.

Not because she was difficult.

Not because she wasn’t intelligent.

Not because she didn’t understand.

She simply wasn’t ready to do the work to make the changes.

What she really wanted was for the situation to change without having to change anything.

And before you start nodding along thinking “I know someone exactly like that”, let’s be honest.

We’ve all been there. I know I certainly have – knowing you need to make changes to lose weight/be more organised/sort your life out/leave your relationship etc and being ready are not the same thing.

That’s the bit people often miss. We assume that if someone knows what they need to do, they’ll automatically do it. Life doesn’t work like that.

·Sometimes we’re gathering information.

·Sometimes we’re building confidence.

·Sometimes we’re healing.

·Sometimes we’re simply not there yet.

And that’s okay. I’ve seen it recently in another area of my own business too.

A few days ago someone tagged me in a post because a PR company was looking for a stylist to comment on what to wear to Ascot. A few years ago I’d have been all over it, absolutely delighted to be able to share my opinion and expertise. Excited to have the opportunity to be featured -fantastic!

Except this time my response surprised even me. I politely declined!

Not because there was anything wrong with the opportunity or because I couldn’t have done it. And definitely not because I’m suddenly anti-publicity.

But that just isn’t my work anymore. The old version of me would’ve seen a stylist opportunity. The current version of me saw a distraction.

Because whilst I can absolutely tell someone how to style themselves for Ascot, that’s not where my heart is. What lights me up is identity, visibility, confidence and empowerment - not big hats and fancy frocks for a day at the races.

Helping people reconnect with themselves, step out of the Sausage Machine of Conformity and remember who they were before they got squished into being sensible, appropriate and acceptable is more my thing – style catalyst rather than stylist.

The Sassy Shoes Experience day is still a part of my ’ecosystem’ around that ethos.

The Funky Diva Vibes cards and energy are still part of that.

Clothes are still part of that but they’re just not the destination, they’re tools.

Which brings me neatly to the Sassy Shoes Experience. I’ve been thinking about this workshop for months.

·Long before I announced it.

·Long before tickets went on sale.

·Long before anyone knew it existed.

And I’ve definitely had moments where I’ve wondered whether people really understand what it is.

Because the shoes are the thing people can see, the shiny metallic finishes, transformation, creativity and fun.

But underneath all of that, what we’re actually doing is something much deeper.

We’re creating space to reconnect with yourself and be creative.

A space to explore who you are and to hear your own thoughts without everyone else’s expectations rattling around in your head. When you think of it like that the shoes become a symbol of something much bigger.

Tickets are on sale now £87-127, 10.30am-4.30pmSat 27th June, Nottingham.

So now I’m left thinking perhaps the challenge isn’t whether people trust the workshop, perhaps the challenge is whether they’re ready?

·Ready to put themselves first for a day.

·Ready to invest in themselves.

·Ready to stop saying “maybe later”.

·Ready to prioritise joy.

·Ready to reclaim a little bit of themselves.

Because that can feel surprisingly uncomfortable when you’ve spent years looking after everyone else. However, I’ve come to realise that readiness can’t be forced.

Not in business, personal growth, personal style, dieting or life in general.

People arrive when they’re ready. We notice the right opportunities when we’re ready and the lessons arrive when we’re ready.

Even the disappointments arrive when we’re ready to learn from them. And perhaps that’s the biggest shift I’ve noticed in myself recently.

I’m spending less time trying to convince or to prove.

Less time trying to drag people towards things I think would help them. Instead, I’m learning to trust that the right people will recognise themselves in what I’m saying. The people who need the message will hear it and readiness has its own timeline.

Alignment matters more than approval and being disappointed by someone else’s actions doesn’t mean I was foolish to trust them in the first place. It simply means they showed me who they are. Which, when you think about it, is actually VERY useful information.

So if there’s something you’ve been resisting lately, perhaps the question isn’t “What’s wrong with me?” Maybe the question is simply “Am I ready?”

And if the answer is not yet, that’s information too, because readiness isn’t something you can fake, but when it arrives, you’ll know.

The clues are always there. Not in what we say but in what we actually do.