Make-Up, a Wig, Golden Handcuffs and the Online Course

I got into a conversation about drag with the dad of one of the performers at Prohibition Cabaret last week. After the first two acts, he was surprised and it became apparent that prior to that evening he thought drag was basically men dressing up as women.

Which I suppose is what quite a lot of people think it is if they’ve not really had much exposure to it. This got me thinking about how I would describe drag, because in reality it’s much broader than that.

To me drag is pure self-expression – not gender specific.

Taking bits of yourself and ramping them up, playing, exaggerating and amplifying things in a way that you might not necessarily do for wandering around Sainsbury’s on a Tuesday afternoon.

During my Diva Delves podcast interview with drag performer Vayne (which is published on YouTube this Friday) there was something they said that I loved. They were talking about the confidence they have when they’re Vayne and how they used to think, “God, I want to be like Vayne.” Then at some point they realised, “Wait, that literally is me. Oh my God.”

I’ve been mulling that over since our chat because I think we all have loads of different versions of us, depending on where we are, who we’re with and what we’re doing. I’m certainly not the same Lisa sitting in bed of a morning drinking coffee as I am when I’m speaking on a stage.

There are all sorts of bits of me that have taken turns in being prominent at different times in my life. Creative Lisa is particularly prominent at the moment and, quite frankly, she sometimes needs supervising.

I have creative ideas all the bloody time, and because I’ve been self-employed for so long, I immediately start thinking about what I could DO with them. I spot things that could become workshops or products, things I could monetise, and before I know it an idea that popped into my head five minutes ago is in danger of becoming an actual project. (See my Diva Delves podcast? Case in point)

Very recently I’ve been thinking about the full Funky Diva Experience workshops and how much I love doing that work, particularly the conversations and connections and seeing the difference it can make to people. At the moment though, it relies on a handful of people being able to get themselves to Nottingham on a particular date, so somewhere in my head I started thinking that maybe I could turn it into an online course…I’ve already vaguely started thinking about the modules.

FFS.

I haven’t decided to create an online course and I’m not even sure I want one, but apparently neither of those things has stopped me mentally designing the bloody thing.

The annoying part is that I know I could do it. I’ve got the facilities; I know how to create online learning and even the tech stuff wouldn’t be particularly difficult. I’d really enjoy creating all the content too, right up until the point where I’d finished the interesting bit and then had to market and sell it for long enough to make all the work worthwhile.

By which time my brain would probably have got bored and moved on to something else. (I’m a manifesting generator if you’re into Human Design)

I have plenty of previous form for this because I published my book Project FAB! and then created a journal to go with it, I’ve made countless programmes, products and workshops, created the FAB Business Club and even produced a sweary calendar a few years ago.

There’s a Funky Diva retreat living rent free in my head as well, which has been there for a while and still gets me very excited when I think about it. I can imagine extending the Funky Diva Experience over a couple of days with Sassy Shoes, make-up and style stuff, maybe a burlesque lesson and a photographer capturing everyone dressed up and feeling fabulous. (SWF warning – this is my intellectual property if I see you vaguely attempting to copy there’ll be a cease and desist on its way).

I can practically see it all happening. Then I remember that someone would need to find the right venue, sort out all the logistics, market it and sell enough places to make it viable, and as I’m currently my own the sales and marketing department, that someone would be me. It’s everything required to turn the idea into reality that makes me considerably less enthusiastic.

I think this is why I’ve spent quite a lot of the past few years actively trying to rein myself in, but I don’t want fewer ideas, and I don’t want to stop getting excited about possibilities because I really like that part of myself. I’ve just learned that I don’t have to act on everything she comes up with.

Which is probably why my “Can I Be Arsed?” test has found its way into my business.

The question isn’t really whether I can do it because quite often I know I can, it’s whether I want everything that comes attached to doing it.

I’ve written about Ikigai before, the Japanese concept around the intersection of what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs and what you can be paid for, and I still think there’s a lot of value in looking at those things. Except these days I think something could tick every single one of those boxes and I might still decide I can’t be arsed.

Just because I could doesn’t mean I should.

I’ve spent a lot of my life putting quite a lot of value on the things I’m good at and therefore assuming I ought to keep doing them.

My prison education job is probably the biggest example of that. I had a nice salary going into my bank account every month, a pension and eight weeks’ holiday a year, and for quite a long time my self-worth got tangled up in that. They were very uncomfortable golden handcuffs.

And I think that’s where Callum and Vayne have got tangled up with online courses, prison education, Ikigai and my inability to have an idea without trying to turn it into something this week.

Callum used to wish they could be as confident as Vayne until they realised that Vayne was them.

I think we all have bits of ourselves that have been dialled up or dumbed down over the years, sometimes deliberately and sometimes because life has required it.

These days I think Creative Lisa is getting more airtime again, along with Discerning’ Lisa and a big dollop of Funky Diva energy, but that doesn’t mean I’m trying to cram more and more versions of myself into my life.

If anything, I think I’m becoming pickier.

I said earlier this year that I wanted to put myself at the head of the queue more often, and this is walking the talk of Funky Diva energy. I feel settled in my heart about the choices I’m making rather than thinking about all the things I could, should or ought to be doing.

There will always be something else I could do.

And knowing me, there will probably be another idea along in about five minutes.

It doesn’t mean I have to turn it into a bloody online course. 😂