A Drag Queen Boa, a £20 Cruise Dress and a Room Full of Strangers

I spoke at DeclutterCon in Sheffield on Saturday, and I think I might have come home. Which sounds a bit dramatic considering I was only in Sheffield for the day, but bear with me.

DeclutterCon is an event organised by Heather, who works particularly with neurodivergent people around decluttering and organising their homes. I’d been a guest on her podcast previously, so she already knew about my Funky Diva Vibes work, my Sausage Machine and slightly unconventional approach to things.

I was absolutely delighted to be invited to speak, and that she trusted me to bring something valuable to people who might never have come across me or my work before.

The whole experience felt different before I’d even arrived. Heather had thought of EVERYTHING.

There were videos showing the approach to the venue, where to park and what the room looked like, including where you’d be standing if you were speaking. There was a sensory room where people could retreat and still watch the event on a laptop, a quiet table, a buddy table and a quiz the evening before so people could get to know each other. All the helpers wore high-vis jackets so you knew who to approach, and they kept checking whether I needed anything. There were sanitary products, paracetamol and even Gaviscon in the toilets!

I’ve never been to an event where so much thought had gone into making people feel comfortable and looked after. As someone who has to think about accessibility and micro manage all sorts of practical details before going anywhere, I really appreciated it.

Anyway, onto the actual talk.

I’d taken my Sausage Machine with me and decided to incorporate some bingo questions, pulling them out individually and talking about the invisible rules and expectations that influence what we wear, what we keep and how we express ourselves.

Things like hanging on to clothes because someone bought them for us, because somebody told us they looked nice, or because we feel guilty about getting rid of something that cost a lot of money. Even though we don’t particularly like the thing ourselves.

I also brought in my supermarket test, my glitter finials story, my treble F period and my poem, all of which help illustrate how easily we can find ourselves making choices based on what other people think.

Because if you’re going to declutter your wardrobe, surely it makes sense to have some understanding of who you’re actually trying to dress? Otherwise, you might just end up getting rid of a load of stuff and replacing it with more things that don’t really feel like you.

I got a bit of a laugh when I pulled the sausages out of the Sausage Machine, followed by the oversized drag queen boa and that seemed to break the ice. There was nodding, laughing and those lovely little expressions of recognition when somebody hears something that makes them think, ‘Oh God, I do that.’

As usual my with all my talks, I wandered off on tangents, slotted stories in where they seemed to fit and probably appeared a bit ditzy at times. But I got in everything I wanted to say.

What happened after the talk, though, was really special. Lots of people came up to me to say thank you, that they’d loved it, that it had really resonated with them. A couple of people said I’d made them cry, although they weren’t entirely sure why. Others started telling me their own stories about the ways they’d felt squished or had held themselves back.

I loved that.

A few people had already done the Squish Quiz and wanted to tell me their scores, while others had picked cards from my Funky Diva decks and were telling me how much the words on their particular cards meant to them.

Paulette, our MC from BBC Radio Sheffield, told me I’d been describing her life. She was entering a new phase and said she’d be taking my words with her.

I found all of that incredibly touching. Particularly because some of the people who’d seemed quite reserved during the talk felt comfortable enough to come and share something personal with me afterwards. Being approachable matters enormously to me, and I think that was one of the nicest things about the whole experience.

When I got home, I initially regaled Paul with all the stresses of the journey, the driving and the usual faffing about. But once I’d got that off my chest, I couldn’t wait to show him the recording of my talk and do you know what?

I really like the woman I see standing there. She’s quite funny, a bit scatty, goes off on tangents and occasionally gets distracted halfway through what she’s saying. She’s the kind of speaker I’d personally warm to.

There’s a bit where I’m talking about the dress I was wearing, which I’d bought on Vinted for £20 instead of the RRP £110. The seller had described it as ‘suitable for a cruise’ and there I was wearing it in Sheffield at eight o’clock on a Saturday morning, with over-the-top jewellery and diamanté trainers. Apparently, it’s also suitable for a decluttering conference in Sheffield. That little moment made me chuckle when I watched it back.

And I think that’s where this whole feeling of coming home comes from. I’ve spent quite a bit of time over the past couple of years figuring out where my work is going and how my expertise in colour, clothes and personal style fits into Funky Diva Vibes.

I’ve been reluctant to talk about style because I don’t want people assuming I was just going to tell them what colours suited them or what clothes they should wear. But those years of experience are a massive part of what I bring to the table.

At DeclutterCon, I brought all of it together without feeling that I needed to explain or justify why I was qualified to be talking about it. I know my stuff. I’ve spent decades learning, teaching, designing, experimenting, observing and understanding the relationship between what we wear and how we feel about ourselves.

And I’ve reached a point where I don’t feel the need to convince anybody of my expertise anymore. It just is. People can hear it in the way I talk about things, the connections I make and the examples I use. They can fill in the gaps themselves without me having to spell everything out.

I can be conversational, funny, slightly chaotic and completely myself while still being taken seriously. Which is rather appropriate, considering I spend so much of my time encouraging other people to stop squishing themselves into versions of who they think they’re supposed to be.

I wonder how many of us have an idea in our heads about what someone with authority is supposed to look or sound like and then spend years trying to live up to it. Perhaps we think we need to be more polished, more serious, more articulate or somehow different from the person we are when we’re relaxed and comfortable. I have never wanted to spend my time standing in front of audiences feeling that I have to put on some sort of professional performance.

I’d much rather be the woman in the £20 cruise dress, pulling an enormous drag queen boa out of a sausage machine, occasionally losing her train of thought and having conversations that make people think about their own lives. Because I know what I’m talking about, and I’m comfortable enough with that now to let the rest of me come along for the ride.

And after Saturday, I’m very much feeling at home with all of it.